It won’t go away…

It won’t go away…

I should be in bed sleeping, but I can’t switch off and I am writing this hoping to make it go away and I can get some sleep…

It started with a text from a friend arranging a play date, something exciting and to look forward to. I went to pop it in my calendar and there it was staring back at me…’School Application Day’! The day that we will find out which school Alice will go to in September.

I can’t believe that it’s nearly that time and next week I will know the outcome of filling in that dreaded application form. Trying every day not to think about if we have made the right choices and what we will do if they don’t happen.

But, what really makes me sad about that day, is having to accept that we are on the rollercoaster to Alice going to school. That I don’t have that many months left with both my girls at home with me.

Yes, I moan about them and how relentless it can be with two children, someone constantly needing me. But when Andy is at work it is just the three of us and we are a little threesome for a lot of the time.

We have our daily routine and we all know where we are with it. Yes, some days we are rushing out the door to get Alice to pre-school, but she doesn’t go every day and it doesn’t really matter if we are late. But that will all change in September and it will matter about being there on time.

I won’t be able to be spontaneous and decide we are going out for the day. Pack a bag and jump in the car. I will have to save that for the holidays. Alice has school holidays now at preschool, but it’s not the same. If we don’t want to send Alice on any day for any reason we don’t have too and we can take our family holiday when we want.

That will all change…

I worry about if she is going to be ready by September, I know she thinks she is, as she talks about going to big school all the time. Every time we go to the shoe shop, she picks out which school shoes she is going to have.

But, who will help her at lunchtime if she can’t manage to cut up her food? who will help her reach for the taps in the toilet? All these questions are whirling around my mind. I am trying to get her ready, most mornings she can put her own clothes on, its just the tricky tights she struggles with.

I worry about how tired she is going to be at the end of each day and week. Alice doesn’t sleep well at the moment and I can help her tiredness by what we do each day. But, soon I won’t.

It’s a big world out there and whilst I want my girls to experience everything and have the best life possible and dream big. I also know that the world can be a cruel place and I want to protect her from it for as long as I can.

I’m not quite ready for the daily school run, the endless events at school, parents evening, washing and ironing school uniform.

I just want my little girl to stay home with me for a little bit longer…



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  1. 11/04/2016 / 08:17

    Your daughter will surprise you and the teachers will be very helpful with all the things that are worrying you. Try to take it in your stride I’m sure your daughter will. #MarvMondays

  2. Dean of Little Steps
    11/04/2016 / 09:02

    I was exactly like this a couple of years ago before T started school. I’m sure you’ve heard this already, but she’ll be fine. It will probably be tough for the first two weeks (just like it would be with all kids), but you and your little girl will get through it. Hope you managed to sleep last night! 🙂 x

    • 11/04/2016 / 12:52

      Thank you, Alice will be fine, it’s be that is sad! Sadly not much sleep last night 🙂 x

  3. 11/04/2016 / 11:20

    I’m worried about this – it’s definitely the toilet issue. They start younger here, the September after their third birthday, sob! #MarvMondays

    • 11/04/2016 / 12:51

      Oh no I thought four was young, but three they are still so small. x

  4. 11/04/2016 / 12:23

    It’s so daunting isn’t it?! Reuben started school in April of last year (officially the September but his school offer a pre reception programme and they are essentially in reception, but no obliged to go if that makes sense). He was totally fine and adores it! Hx

    • 11/04/2016 / 12:50

      It really is! Alice can’t wait to go and I know she will be fine. It’s me that needs to man up!! x

  5. 11/04/2016 / 14:11

    Aw, such a sweet post. It’s so hard letting go and school is a huge step so I’m not surprised you’re feeling this way. I guess it will be about adjusting and finding a new routine and she will love all the new things that school will bring, like a little bit of independence and new friends and exciting activities.

    • 11/04/2016 / 21:05

      Alice can’t wait!! It feels like such a big step and she is so little x

  6. 11/04/2016 / 14:18

    Aww lovely this post made me think about how I will feel when Ethan hits school age. I think I’ll feel very much the same as you do now. If you have any questions whirling around your mind about things that will happen at school when you’re not there, ask the school – there’s no such thing as a daft question when it comes to wanting to know your child will feel comfortable with every little detail. I’m sure that you know that she will be fine and I’m sure as time goes on you’ll start to adjust to it and a find a new routine too. xx

    • 11/04/2016 / 21:02

      Thank you lovely. Yes, once I know the school and we have a few more visits I am sure I will start to feel more comfortable about it all. I wish they could stay little forever xx

  7. 11/04/2016 / 19:30

    Oh, I know how you feel. I was there this time last year and biting my nails anxiously as I waited for the allocations to come through. Hope you get your first choice.

  8. Oh I can so relate to this – I’m in the same boat with my eldest due to start school in September and I’m feeling sad about her going back to preschool tomorrow knowing that it’s her last term. Hope the next few months go by as slowly as possible for both of us x

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:55

      It’s horrible isn’t it? Yes, let time slow for us. Good luck hun x

  9. 12/04/2016 / 01:03

    I am sure that Alice will get on swell no need to worry hun. You are a great mum and she is going to love big school.

  10. 12/04/2016 / 09:14

    ah im the same as you.. just before i nod off to sleep, i starting thinking of things , and then worry set,s in.. I think you already know the answers.. you said your self you think shes ready.. thats all the validation you need .. your doing a fantastic job

  11. 12/04/2016 / 10:47

    It’s normal to feel like this as a parent and I can understand coming from my own mother. You just have to trust her and I’m sure she will do well.

  12. 12/04/2016 / 13:22

    Good luck with application day. It sounds like she’s ready to go if she’s excited about it, so that’s one hard bit over with.

  13. 12/04/2016 / 16:07

    I’m totally with you on this, I have no idea how September is going to go and I’m terrified. At the moment Mabel reckons she doesn’t like preschool because there’s too many kids there and it doesn’t feel like home, so apparently she’s not going any more. Not sure what to do about it at the moment really.

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:53

      Oh hun, I am sure once she goes for a couple of settling in days it will help. Preschool is a tricky one, because you know you don’t have to send them it can easier to let them stay at home x

  14. 13/04/2016 / 06:55

    It’s a scary and exciting time for parents and children. Navigating the school run and small talk doesn’t fill me with joy either!

    I’m trying to focus on my daughter learning new things and making friends (other than her brother!).


  15. 13/04/2016 / 08:31

    Oh I remember that feeling so well but when you see their little faces at the end of a school day full of stories and wonder at all the things they have done it really is a beautiful time – it changes but it is wonderful watching them grow too. Hope you find this too #BloggerClubUK

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:50

      I’m sure once she starts and we get into a new routine I will be able to enjoy hearing all about her day x

  16. 13/04/2016 / 09:17

    I guess that’s a natural reaction that all parents have when their first born goes offschool, but I’m sure you’ve helped mould her into a brilliant Little person. Cherish the time you have left with her, and don’t dwell on the sadness of what’s to come 🙂 xxx #BloggerClubUK

  17. 13/04/2016 / 19:15

    We are waiting for the school places to come out too – we know the school and I know that Pie will be fine but like you I will miss those spontaneous visits and holidays. I want to cherish those last few months with him before he goes and I try everyday to encourage his independence. He makes me so proud, I know I will miss him when he goes full time in September. I hope that you enjoy your last few months together and good luck with your school place #BloggerClubUK

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:49

      Thank you, good luck to you too and enjoy these months x

  18. 14/04/2016 / 03:34

    Such a precious post <3
    It's such a hard thing to watch our babies grow up, and they are always more than ready! I know she's excited for big school, but she'll be even more excited to come back home and tell you all about it (:

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:48

      Thank you. Yes, I am looking forward to hearing all the tales x

  19. 14/04/2016 / 17:47

    Oh bless you! My eldest will be 7 this December and will be in Year 2 in September. My youngest is 4 and she is currently part time school, which isn’t bad as only 2 hours a day. She will start full time in September and I have to be honest I am sad that she is growing up but in a way I am really looking forward to it as her tempers and tantrums can be too hard to handle so I am hoping being full time school will help. X

    • 16/04/2016 / 15:47

      I hope school helps your youngest. I am hoping it will make mine sleep more x

  20. 17/04/2016 / 00:17

    Awww, such a lovely post. I can just imagine how hard and what a big leap and step this is for you all. Such a milestone in Alice’s and your lives. I think it is probably completly natural for you to feel like this and I think I would too. I am sure Alice will be just fine, if anything you will probably find it harder than she will. It sounds like you’ve prepared her so well lovely 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

  21. 17/04/2016 / 22:33

    Monkey also goes in Sept, and I am going to miss our Friday together (I work 4 days a week). Its just another phase but its scary how quickly it comes round!! I think he’s ready, although I am not sure if we are going to do him any favours by giving him a sibling this close to him starting school, but theres not much we can do about it. If its any consolation it keeps me awake at night too! Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again this week x

  22. 08/09/2016 / 19:02

    First is the WORST- I ended up going part time and then quitting my teachig job when my oldest went to primary. I couldnt bare it! Now I have four littles and I will say it does get easier to part with them, esp. when they are so thrilled to take on the world.


  23. Chloe Wood
    05/01/2017 / 20:13

    I felt the same way when my eldest started school and have to go through it all again in September 🙁 Happy 2017 x #sharingthebloglove