I look at Holly now, my little three year old getting closer to her fourth birthday and about to take the next big milestone in her life and start school in September, and I wonder when will it be the last time…
That she runs up to me and cuddles my legs, there is just nothing nothing cuter than a little person cuddling your legs with all their might. Desperate for you so much that they can’t wait for you to scoop them up in their arms. I want to know when it will be the last time, so that I can treasure it a little bit more.
When will it be the last time that she climbs up onto my lap wherever we are and whatever we are doing. Not caring about a thing, just wanting to be sat on me. That it doesn’t matter that I’m trying to eat my dinner, or I’m sat on the toilet (yes that happens), its just at that moment in time, she needs me.
What about the last time that she calls me ‘Mama’ and moves on to Mummy or the dreaded ‘Mum’. I love that she still calls me Mama, it makes me feel like I have a little one, calling me in her little sweet voice. I’m not ready to just be Mum and thankfully not even Alice calls me Mum just yet.
When will it be the last time she asks to be carried. I know we are getting close to this one, I can feel it. It already doesn’t happen that often and to be honest I struggle to carry her for long. But there are moments when she needs that extra reassurance from me, to know that I’ve got her and whilst she is heavy, I will always give her a carry. Even if it is just for a short while before I have to put her down. That short time is all that she needs. I can’t imagine a time when I don’t have a little one in my arms anymore.
And when I look into the future with both my girls I can’t bare the thought of a time when they don’t want to hold my hand. I love nothing more than that feeling of them reaching out for my hand, putting theirs into mine. I don’t ever want this to end and there is something about walking along holding my girls hands that makes me feel like a mum.
I know that all of these will come to an end and it hurts my heart to think about it. I just wish that I knew when it was going to be last time, so I can hug them a bit tighter, squeeze that a hand a bit more and cherish the moment to capture in my memories forever.
I love to watch my girls grow up and flourish, but it is bitter sweet.