To My Gorgeous Holly
It’s finally here, your first day of school. The day that I have refused to believe is actually going to happen. I filled in your application form and then I continued to bury my head in the sand. Pushing all those thoughts to the back of mind!
But, as I see your school uniform hung up, all labelled and ready for you to put on tomorrow, I can no longer deny that it is happening.
Of course you are SO excited to be joining your big sister at school. A school that is familiar to you, as we take and pick up Alice everyday. Everyday for 2 years you’ve waved your sister goodbye, shouted to her to have a lovely day and then put your hand in mine as we’ve walked to the car to have a day of adventure together. But from tomorrow it will just be me, waving my 2 little school girls goodbye and walking to the car on my own.
Just the thought of not having you by my side makes me cry
You are my sidekick, we’ve been a duo in the week for 2 years and I’ve loved every single minute of it. You’re my easy one, you really are no trouble to have at home. You entertain yourself, you just get on with things, nothing really phases you.
I’m finding it harder than I did with your sister and that’s not because I didn’t miss her, because of course I did. But it’s because you are my last baby, you are the last one to head off to school. Our home will be empty, the silence deafening.
I will miss the sound of you chatting to yourself as you play your games, that little cheeky laugh as you come and go ‘boo’ at me and run away, thinking I don’t know its you. I will miss lunchtime, when I ask you what you want, knowing already what the answer will be….’crackers and cheese please’, but you don’t mean cheese, you mean butter! How no lunch is complete without your yoghurt, that you love so much. How it takes you a lifetime to eat it, but it doesn’t matter because we are not in a hurry.
Over the last year we’ve fallen into our own little routine in the week, with swimming lessons, ballet lessons, preschool and our trips to the cafe with Nanny on a Wednesday. We have our time at home to play, our walks in the woods in the mornings after we drop Alice off at school and I’ve loved every single day with you.
I promised you a summer of fun and I hope that I’ve done you proud and given you many happy days, eating far too many ice creams, making hundreds of sandcastles and filled your memory bank with it all! Not a day has gone past that you haven’t made me laugh, how every time you’ve crawled onto my lap for a cuddle I’ve hung onto you for a minute longer than you wanted me too, knowing it might be my last. It’s been one of our best summers and I hope you think so too.
But it’s now a new chapter for you, and me. A chapter that I’m not ready for, but then I don’t think I would ever be ready. But one that you are definitely ready for. It’s your time to make new friends, to have new experiences, to work out how to be you without me by your side. I know your teachers are going to love you, just as much as we do. I’m jealous that they will get to have your cheeky smiles, it will be their hand that you will hold and their arms that will comfort you when you fall over. But I know that you are in the best hands, that your teachers are both lovely and I have no doubt that your winning smile will melt their heart, just like it does ours.
I can promise you though that it is with a heavy heart that I hand you over, that I will be choking back the tears and trying to smile at you, to tell you it’s all ok. When really for me it’s not ok, the years have gone by too quickly and as you disappear inside, holding Alice’s hand not mine. The tears will drop.
I will be counting down the hours, until I come to collect you and you race out of the door and into my arms. How your hand will be back in mine as we walk along and you tell me all about it. Well I know from experience that won’t be true, but hopefully you will tell me you had fun. I will be glad that you are mine again, even if it’s just for a few hours.
I’ve loved every minute being at home with you my gorgeous Holly, you have kept me on my toes every single day and I wouldn’t change you for the world.
Go and shine my baby girl and show the world what we already know, that you are a special little girl inside and out.
Love you always and forever