How did that happen? My third baby is three years old and I can’t believe how quickly those years have gone. When I look back to when I started, my life was very different then. Alice was 3 years old and Holly was 1 years old, and I was looking for something to keep my brain ticking over. I first thought about starting a blog when Alice was 6 months old and I kick myself for not taking the plunge then. But at least I got there eventually.
I will always be grateful to my little blog, not only has it given me a place to capture all of our family memories, the ordinary moments and our adventures. It gave me back, me. Which I know sounds a bit out there, but its true. When I started my blog, I found so many wonderful blogs that I would read and I still do now. Whilst reading blogs that shared their stories about their mental health, it started to strike a cord with me, and it was like I was reading my life. This was the start of me going to the doctor and saying that I don’t feel myself and the start of me getting the help I needed for what turned out to be post natal depression and anxiety. I’m not sure if I would ever have got to that place without reading about it, and realising this was me too.
During that time, my blog gave me a place to put all the thoughts that were whirling around my head. It gave me a purpose, a chance to be me again. Because whilst I love being a Mum, I lost myself whilst being one. I had two young children and I was struggling, but I didn’t want to admit it. I felt that everyone would think I was a failure. When I look back at that time in my life, I don’t recognise myself and the person I had become. The guilt consumes me of the life the girls had back then.
Through my blog, the counselling that I had and the love and support of Andy, I came through it. And whilst its never truly going to go forever, I’m definitely in a much better place than I was now. I still have bad days and my anxiety is still bad, I probably don’t go out as much as I should. I also met some wonderful friends through, who without even realising they were helping me, they were. By being there, when I felt lonely. By forcing me out of the house to meet up for a coffee. All of that helped me, and still does now.
Whatever happens with my blog in the future, I will always be grateful for it getting me through that period in my life.
My blog has also changed our families lives and for that we are extremely grateful. It has meant over the last year, I have been able to make it my job and that means so much to me and my family. To be able to drop the girls at school and pick them up, to go to the nativities etc I will never take it for granted.
I’m not really one for making new year resolutions and goals for my blog. I just find this blogging world very unpredictable and that I would just be setting myself up for a fail, as it changes so much and so quickly. But what I do hope for 2019, is that my love for it continues, that I find something new to excite me and keep my passion for it alive.
Happy Birthday Dear Bear and Beany! (oh and I wish I could change the name, but that’s a whole other blog post and something that I probably won’t do!)