A lonely world…

A lonely world…

Yesterday I shared a post in my Looking Back series about how lonely I felt when Alice first arrived, but thankfully it didn’t last long.

Sadly, it did come back…

This week has been one that I am happy to leave in the past, it started with illness in our house and once the germs had left. The mood of the house did not leave with it…

To begin with I couldn’t work out what was wrong, I was having a good nights sleep, so that was not the reason for me feeling a bit down. Everyone was feeling better including me. What was it that was making me feel like this?

Then I realised that I had felt like this before, I was living in a lonely world and for most of the time I sweep this under the carpet. I try to pretend it’s not the world I live in. But every now again I get tired of pretending, I get tired of painting on a face that tells the world ‘I am ok’.

Because my world is a bit lonely, it’s been like this longer than I want to remember, but I guess it became even more lonely when Holly arrived. I didn’t do antenatal classes with Holly, so I didn’t have a group of mum’s to meet up with like I did when Alice arrived. I was also lucky that a few friends had babies around the same time as Alice and I would meet up with them and their gorgeous babies.

Baby groups are just not my thing, six months ago I really tried to give them a go. Mainly because I wanted Holly to meet other little people her age. But, they are just to ‘cliquey’ for me and I don’t find it enjoyable standing on the outskirts watching groups of mums chatting away, avoiding eye contact because they have already found their group of mum friends.They just end making me feel even more lonely…

The days that Alice is in preschool I find myself wandering around the shops with Holly, just to get out and about, to at least have the shop assistant to speak to. Otherwise most days I won’t speak to an adult until Andy gets home of work.

Then there are friends where life just seems to get in the way, before you know another week has gone by and you haven’t picked up the phone and your lives are moving in different directions its hard to be on the same page at the same time.

At times I do reach out to people and you get radio silence. While you know they are probably just busy, read your message and forgot about it until later. When you are feeling lonely these little moments feel big and I try really hard not to overanalyse it or take it personally…but I do!

I lost my best friend a couple of years before I became a mummy, when I say lost I don’t mean I left her in the supermarket and she wasn’t there when I went back…we had a fall out, a fall out that looking back now was not handled very well. I was in a difficult place emotionally and I couldn’t see what was happening in front of my eyes, another friend was stirring things up and I was blind to this. I trusted the wrong people and I will always be sorry for that…

I am lucky to have friends that are always there for me no matter what and I am grateful to have them in my life. But, I don’t have a friend that I can call any day, any time and just moan, laugh, chat about nothing…I miss that.

Being a mummy is truly one of the best things that has happened to me and I wouldn’t change being at home with my girls. I know I am lucky to have this time with them and it won’t be long before Alice goes off to school and Holly won’t be far behind her. But it can be a lonely place…

I know that this is just a moment in time and I am sure next week the smile will be painted back on, but for now this is how I am feeling and I can’t shake it.



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  1. 25/03/2016 / 07:05

    Sorry You’ve been low. I moved countries so I know how it feels to miss friends. It takes time to fid your people. I found mine by joining a choir, hope you find yours soon. #picknmix

  2. 25/03/2016 / 09:16

    Oh my Laura, I’m sorry that you feel like this at the moment. It can be a very isolating place as a parent. Your blog is very beautiful and I bet you touch people and make them think without even realising it! I’m a listener, your blog is your message…shout out to me if you need to:) I’m sure many fell the same way and I truly hope that the feeling starts to lift a little for you x

    mainy – myrealfairy


    • 25/03/2016 / 21:52

      Thank you, that is lovely of you to say. It seems many mums feel like this and we just aren’t very good at talking about it. Thank you, the sunshine today has helped x

  3. Sarah
    25/03/2016 / 09:54

    I feel like that sometimes too. I’m not someone who makes friends easily (you might remember that!) so my circle of friends is pretty small which means quite often they’re all busy and I don’t see any of them for ages. I also never did any classes etc (makes me feel sick even thinking about it!) so I did feel isolated sometimes when Haris was younger. Since he’s started preschool though things have improved. I forced myself to join the committee for the school and very slowly I have begun to make some friends.
    I’ve lost a few friends over the years (mainly due to my own fault) and sometimes it’s so easy to dwell on the things I did wrong but in the end it is what it is and I wouldn’t change my life now for the world.
    Anyway, enough rambling from me, I hope you’re feeling better today and have a lovely Easter with your family! xx

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:49

      I do remember 🙂 Well done for putting yourself out there hun, I know that wouldn’t have been easy for you and I’m so happy you are making friends. Thank you for reading my blog and commenting, it means a lot to me. Happy Easter to you and yours too xx

  4. 25/03/2016 / 13:13

    Oh Laura – so sorry to hear you feel like this at the moment. I think parenthood can be a really really lonely time and it’s so hard to cope with. I know that was why I made sure i had a (virtually) daily class when I first had Roo – I was lonely. I don’t have/need that now but I still feel that isolation from time to time. Hugs mama xx

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:46

      Thank you lovely. I was the same with Alice, but I just haven’t done it so much with Holly and I think I am feeling the effect xx

  5. 25/03/2016 / 14:30

    I’m sorry you are feeling this way! there is another side of parenting that can be very isolating and difficult to deal with! I am not a fan of the mummy/toddler classes either, feels like you’re back in high school all over again!

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:45

      It really does feel like that doesn’t it, waiting to see if you are going to be picked!! Thank you x

  6. Dean of Little Steps
    25/03/2016 / 15:23

    I can relate to this post and remember feeling lonely too when T was a baby. And I also didn’t like going to baby-groups because of the same reason you mentioned, too “cliquey”. My daughter is 5 now and the school gate is the same, but I’m just lucky though that I did find some friends among the mums in my daughter’s school. I’m sure when your baby is old enough, you’ll find your group too. xx

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:43

      Thank you. I’m pleased you found your group, I’m sure mine is round the corner 🙂 x

  7. 25/03/2016 / 20:17

    I’m so sorry you feel like this. I read your last post where you talked about the loneliness you felt. I feel exactly the same about baby groups. I think your circle of friends changes through circumstances. You’ll find your company soon enough as there are always people going through the same feelings as you. Chin up xx

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:42

      It seems there are a lot of mummies feeling like this.Thank you xx

  8. 25/03/2016 / 20:31

    This is a really good post – Totally sums up how motherhood can be. It won’t last forever and unexpectedly events and people will cross your paths that will make you feel better. I wish I had an answer for the friends that just don’t ‘get it’ – They are present in all of our lives. Lets hope they read this and makes them question if they could have done more? Here’s to next week being so much better xx

    • 25/03/2016 / 21:38

      Thank you. Your right, new people come into your life all the time and some stick around. Yes, there is always next week x

  9. Margaret
    26/03/2016 / 08:25

    Oh my goodness Laura, I actually cried reading your post, thank you so much for sharing your post, it really did open my eyes xxxxxx

  10. 26/03/2016 / 11:35

    ((Hugs)) You’re not alone feeling like this. I know personally I go through phases where I feel incredibly lonely, even though I have my husband and children around me. It’s times like these where you need to focus on yourself and do something that YOU like for YOU. Tomorrow is a new day. xx

    • 27/03/2016 / 22:22

      Thank you x This is good advice, I will try and think like this x

  11. 26/03/2016 / 19:21

    Sending warm hugs because I know exactly what you mean sometimes I wont message people for a while and they get offended thinking I don’t want to be friends anymore when that is not the case. Our lives move in different directions quite quickly!

  12. 26/03/2016 / 21:48

    oh hon, Im sorry you are feeling low :(. I have an American friend who I met through my NCT class and she said she can’t believe English women are so difficult to make friends with! I am just doing my second round of antenatal classes now for that reason. I am very close to two of my old NCT friends and I can’t see them ever being the same due to the commitments of other children etc but we will see. Have you tired going to yoga or something in the evenings? Where there aren’t any kids? I know that seems a silly thing to say but it may help? I have recently done a photography class and met a couple of people through that? xx

    • 27/03/2016 / 22:25

      We are difficult aren’t we? we are just too british!! Thanks lovely, it’s mainly in the day when all my friends are at work and I am the only one at home x

  13. 27/03/2016 / 10:47

    Oh I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling this way, I get a bit of it too from time to time. It’s such a shame that as adults it seems so hard to make new friends, I wish I had some magic piece of advice to help but I don’t. Hope you get though this time soon and see a lighter side of life with your beautiful daughters.

    • 27/03/2016 / 22:17

      Thank you. Your right, life would be so much easier if we didn’t make it so hard to make new friends. x

  14. Fern
    27/03/2016 / 14:09

    Sorry you feel that way, I know I do too often. I don’t get to go out and do things & I hid myself away for a long time and lost friends through that.


  15. So sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling low over the last week Laura. Parenting can be incredibly lonely at times – I can empathise as it took me a good two years to start to find mummy friends in my local area – I struggled with some of the baby groups for similar reasons. Hope that next week will be better and you will start to find some other mummy friends to help ease that loneliness.

    • 03/04/2016 / 08:28

      Thank you. It can be lonely and I don’t think we make it easy for mums x

  16. 28/03/2016 / 08:55

    Ah hun, can completely relate to this. My former Bestie & I fell out hugely when I had my Alys, like you I was in a really bad place, hubby had a massive motorbike accident & she just didn’t get the whole kids come first thing. It is hard but 8 years on I have met a lot of lovely new friends through the girls going to Pre-school and a few through working! Also hated baby groups WAAAAY too much competition and I was always either a lot younger & less well off – and a teacher none of which went down well! LOL Sending you lots of mummy hugs! xxx

    • 03/04/2016 / 08:29

      Thank you lovely. Sorry to hear you had a difficult time, but fab that you have found your mummy friends x

  17. 28/03/2016 / 11:22

    Hi Laura, that’s such a sad and honest post – sending hugs . I completely get what you mean about baby groups… have you tried sticking it out for a few weeks in case you find your kindred spirit? Have a read of my playground jitters… it’s not the same, but might give you a giggle. #MarvMondays xx

  18. 28/03/2016 / 19:30

    Being a mum can definitely be lonely at times. I feel awkward at baby groups too, and have stopped going to all of them except for one that my wee one really enjoys. I have friends in the area, but none of them have kids, so it’s hard to get together because we’re at different stages in our lives. I’ve found the blogging community to be great, though – I just wish we lived closer so we could meet up for a cup of tea! #MarvMondays

    • 03/04/2016 / 08:34

      It seems a lot of people feel the same about baby groups, which is really sad. x

  19. 28/03/2016 / 21:06

    Sorry you’re feeling lonely this week. I totally understand where you are coming from. I don’t really have mummy friends and just people I chat to. Since I’ve been blogging 5 weeks I’ve not felt lonely though. The online community is keeping me going!! #marvmonday

    • 03/04/2016 / 08:35

      Thats great that you have found someone from blogging x

  20. 29/03/2016 / 07:42

    I’m sorry. It’s hard to find people on your wavelength and trust takes time to build at a point where time is a luxury.

    I hope through this blog you do find people to connect with even if they are just online for now. My wife is in a similar position and playgroups can be bizarrely brutal. She has lots of online friends to keep in contact during the day and where possible tries to meet up.

    Thanks for sharing and your honesty.


    • 03/04/2016 / 08:36

      Thank you, yes I hope that I find my blogging friends too 🙂

  21. 31/03/2016 / 20:51

    Aww hun I know exactly how you feel and I can’t put words to it which you have done beautifully. I hope you are feeling better this week and I know we don’t know each other but here if you ever need a chat. Thanks for linking to #PicknMix

    • 03/04/2016 / 08:26

      Thank you lovely, that is really kind of you, I really appreciate your offer x

  22. 01/04/2016 / 11:16

    Sorry you’re feeling that way, lovely! We definitely all have those times. I don’t see my friends very often as most of them don’t have children and my partner works alot so I do get very lonely when it’s just me and Archie and I hope he’s getting the most out of life with just hanging around with me,haha. Hope you feel better soon. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • 02/04/2016 / 08:30

      Thank you hun. It’s tough isn’t it? I am sure Archie loves his mummy time x

  23. 01/09/2016 / 19:52

    It’s very difficult isn’t it. SOmetimes I can be a very anxious person which makes me seem quiye aloof when trying to mix with people. Sarah #SharingTheBlogLove